Review of the Review of Barts Grill & Restaurant

You can also read this here > http://www.getreading.co.uk/entertainment/food_and_drink/s/2119576_restaurant_review_barts_grill__restaurant

First rule of opening-up in the morning is - don't open until you're ready. 

We've been to Colleys tho yet to step into Barts. Maurice's sister used to do the pastries there and before that she was doing pastries at the Waldorf up the "big smoke". 

You see, the 'thing' is, if the food at this place was stunning, exquisite, or, seeing as it is on the Wokingham Road, even if it was merely good, the punters would come. So why might you be struggling? 

Alan is helping Jamshed to make his excuses whereas in fact Alan ought to be reviewing the restaurant. 

Alan does relent about halfway through and at least begins to let us know something of the food at this place - oh, no he doesn't he starts to go on about how the website and kitchen equipment has been adjusted ..... yeah right, oh and the paint is red ... so the food must be good? 

David (the chef) is "the" driving force behind the "new" menu. So, we get tomato soup and then a flipping "lamb shank" and jenga chips - oh blimey - we could have got that from Lidl's freezer section and had it for Sunday lunch at Uncle Colins. Amazingly though the starters were "carefully and artistically presented" which as we all know is code for ... yes you guessed it - the ex-London chef had his hands all over it before it was slid onto the table infront of you. 

Alan begins to gush towards the end though and tells us a simple ganache was "delightfully simple". Sadly our interest tailed-off. 

And therein lies the task for the owner and chief cook - give us food we would want to hail a cab from the far side of town to taste. Forget the gimmicks and sodding lamb shanks and arrgghh jenga chips - we will never ever pay for a taxi to go anywhere to eat those. Come to the realisation that eating at a good restaurant is not just about hot (pre-touched) food and gimmicks - it is about the whole experience - make it so special we want to come and we will come Jamshed, we will.

You can also read this here > http://www.getreading.co.uk/entertainment/food_and_drink/s/2119576_restaurant_review_barts_grill__restaurant

Review of the Review of The Old Devil Inn on A4 Reading

We really recommend you read the review here first > http://www.getreading.co.uk/entertainment/food_and_drink/s/2118824_restaurant_review_the_old_devil_inn

Oh for heavens sake Caroline yes it takes a little while to find a good pub/restaurant, it is like saying 'it gets dark at night' – we all know it. Also, how on earth it took you an hour to drive around the outskirts of Reading we just don't know – we can do it in 20 minutes / half an hour tops – we shouldn't really criticise, we don't know what you drive like, although really we'd only expect to see evidence of your journey if say, you were going somewhere off the beaten track or to a brand new 'pop-up' and your taxi driver hadn't heard of it and not some pub on the main A4 between Reading and Slough.

As you were drinking, we take it you had a 'designated driver' although you don't say ... we so hope.

The baked Camembert sounds like an interesting 80's resurrection for a pub – which Camembert was it? Where did it come from? Who produced it? Asda perhaps?

We would have expected the chorizo to have a stronger taste than Salami as the smoked pimentón in chorizo can come across with quite a heat – depending upon where the chorizo was cured and by whom. Presumably the pub didn't bake it's own breads but you don't tell us – perhaps you'll let us know.

Oh we give up – unless this pub has something special to offer (your descriptions don't hint at this) then it really is just another pub serving part bought / part “home made” food and isn't worth reviewing … goodness sake you'll be reviewing the “puka pies” over at the Three Tuns on the Wokingham Road next. What we're saying is – please review somewhere out of the ordinary, somewhere special, somewhere momentous, memorable. Try the Crooked Billet over at Stoke Row (actually we preferred it when it was a pub) we had some 'interesting' 90's style Green Lipped Mussels there about 15 years ago. Or the Pineapple, or the Cherry Tree. The Crooked Billet has been reviewed more times than even they know so you can't go far wrong (and the chef will stay in the kitchen and not come around the table 'punter-bothering' and fishing for compliments.. And a tip from us – free – gratis – if a restaurant or pub serves you chunky 'jenga-style' chips – get up and walk out, don't review it, just keep walking, don't turn around – you'd get a better constructed meal at the Knowl Hill café down the road.

Your photo isn't even of the food you ate – now how daft is that? Oh Caroline not a stock photo surely?

Maybe soon there will be two sections in Get Reading for reviews – one for “pubs what do grub innit” and another for “Restaurants of note”

Review of the Review of Cosmo, Reading

We really really recommend you read the review here first > http://www.getreading.co.uk/entertainment/food_and_drink/s/2118199_restaurant_review_cosmo

Dear Jon, we really don't care about your bag, your gap-year, your mate, your stain from Sri Lanka or the grit from Australia - is this a 'restaurant review' or a reminiscence of your formative years? 

The plates in your photo (or is it a stock photo?) look weird and we'd much rather have seen your plate of food and a shot of the inside of the place - what's it like? Seating good? Was the food any good? You tell us what you and your mate had to eat but was it any good? Over cooked / undercooked? Dry? Moist? Seasoning right? Too much of this or too little of that? 

Unlimited top-ups of fizzy pop seems massively exorbitant at £2.20 a go - we can get 2L of Cola at the Exotic Supermarket down the Oxford Road for less than two quid and we couldn't drink the whole 2 litres in one hit. 

We think this is a lazy (and we suspect cheap) "Restaurant Review" and doesn't even get a "pffft" from us.

Review of the Review of Solita, Manchester

We really really suggest you read this first here > http://www.metro.co.uk/lifestyle/restaurants/907768-solita-is-buzzy-and-chaotic-but-rather-underwhelming

Emma Sturgess we like this review. You pack a punch and don't hold back. This is not truculence for the sake of it - Emma knows what she is talking about and we sense a Marinaesque sparkle to her writing. Next time though Emma - do try more of the food - only one steak just isn't good enough - we don't get the full picture - what about the burgers? The Salmon? Jacobs Ladder? Your single rib-eye could have been a fluke and how many of the cocktails did you try? We bet Marina would have tried ten or more. We like this review Emma and we like you. Solita is off our radar.

Read more: http://www.metro.co.uk/lifestyle/restaurants/907768-solita-is-buzzy-and-chaotic-but-rather-underwhelming#ixzz22zIdYB3u

Review of the Review of Broad Chare, Newcastle upon Tyne

We recommend you read the review here first > http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2012/aug/05/jay-rayner-broad-chare-newcastle-upon-tyne?commentpage=last#end-of-comments

Our darling of the radio - big-boned Jay Rayner is back to plug his radio show and crowbars it in to another "Restaurant Review" (actually this one is a pub (with a room) but this review doesn't seem to be too choosy). We are enthralled with the tale of how a pub was pleasantly surprised when the reviewer and his entourage piled in - oh what fun it must be to shock the punters every now and again with an impromptu, small venue concert. Big fish, small ponds yadda yadda yadda.

We are informed that waiting staff are akin to soldiers (of war nonetheless) and even that a poor lady "suffered a seizure" (we at WRFW are please however the lady recovered and walked to the ambulance). Surely Jay must get young ladies swooning at his feet on a regular basis (we certainly would) and be quite used to it by now?

From here we are hurried through a few foods as the reviewer must have been reminded he is supposed to talk about the food and the restaurant - a pie, cheese-on-toast, but we're not told what cheese or even what mustard, bubble and squeak, but we're not told what was in it (different places make it in different ways and out of different left-over veg), fried duck eggs but we're not told whether they were fried in lard, butter, olive oil or vegetable oil. HP Sauce - was it in the bottle? We're not even told whether the Lindisfarne oysters are any good. Jay didn't try all the foods so we're left wondering if the kippers are any good and if the salt in the "salted caramel sundae" was "smoked Maldon salt" or "Aldi LO".

One nugget we are treated to is being told that "there are few stews that will not benefit from the early addition of a foot" - just try telling that to the kids when they're all sat around the table demanding their fair share of the family Tuesday evening left-over chicken and rice stew with mash Jay darling.

Finally (pause for effect) Oh come on Jay, you're better than this, "proper" and honest" may be in the "eye of the beholder" but you could at least give use your opinion on them.

Not everyone will think this, however we think this is a lazy review from a reviewer who [Could do better] and if we were to rate this - it wouldn't get much of a rating at all. Pffft Mr Jay, just Pffft.

Review of the Review of raman eateries Tonkotsu and Ittenbari

We really recommend you read the Review here first > http://www.metro.co.uk/lifestyle/restaurants/906133-amen-for-the-ramen-eateries-tonkotsu-and-ittenbari

Oh Marina, Marina, Marina what on earth are you on about and where are you? You lose us in your captivating though confusing knowledge of Japanese noodle joints. You leave us open-mouthed and wondering quite how to disseminate everything we've just read (and we read it thrice too). Hang-on did we spell your name correctly? Oh good we did (got told off recently by the bloke with bad hair for spelling his name wrong - unforgivable we know but hey, these things happen).

OK, so we get that ramen is noodles and noodle otaku are nerds, your knickers got in a twist and you squealed when you heard Ramen had "hit the capital" but inhaling them? Do we sneak off to the loo and spread them on the cistern top and roll a tenner for this? We really really do wish you'd expand upon your hint at "dream-like encounter in peculiar, intimidating Golden Gai" and the neon "gulch" of the red-light Kabukicho district (sounds rather reminiscent of a scene from that old film, Emmanuel).

We're not sure if we're still in the capital or somewhere rather more eastern but we follow you lamb-like into the "shonky, upstairs joint". Thankfully you don't then treat us to an architectural description of and from what the sodding bar is made but instead treat us to mind blowing descriptions of tiny savoury sardines, thin skinned dumplings, juicy pork and prawn ... trashy de-boned chicken thighs ...

Not wishing to detract a single minutest, tiniest ink dot from your gorgeous, ejaculation bringing descriptions of the food you encountered - we like this review ... except ... all three times we read it - we were and still are not sure which country we were in or even which bloody continent we were on for most of the time.

Oh Marina we could listen to you slurp your noodles all day long. Tell us of your experiences Golden Gai ... our elbows are on the table and our chin is resting in our hands ... go on, one last slurp just for us. Whisper in our ear - where are we?

Review of the Review of Tetsu, Jerusalem Passage, EC1

We really recommend you read the original review here first > http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2012/jul/29/jay-rayner-restaurant-review-sushi-tetsu

Jay Rayner had his hair cut yesterday and evidently his thinning blood has rushed to repair the changes. Says "I will never apologise (or even take responsibility)" to anyone finding it hard to get a seat at Tetsu - no Jay you silly old, round, hair-person, no one will blame you - it has been open ages now and you've only just got around to having a taste so quite how you can try to (oh so desperately) scrape some of the glory for your own slice of bread is quite beyond WRFW.

For anyone like Jay (or his followers) who've only just taken notice of the vibrations - Tetsu is in Jerusalem Passage (between  Aylesbury Street and St.John's Square).

Reading that the bar is made from "blond wood" fills us with dread - oh God please don't describe in detail the upholstery and where it came from, please. After a hard and dusty day knocking walls down and refurbishing offices in Clerkenwell, we just need to sit on something (anything will do) and nosh.

We love how Jay writes of the intricacies of the processes and Toru's artistic, precise talents and he goes some way to explaining the short though alien (to very many) menu. We giggle at how he tells us Ponzu was brushed across his Bream and we can imagine him almost 'singing praises' to the rice and tells it how it feels in his mouth - has he never tried "Uncle Bens Packet Special Fried Rice" before? Really? Tsk tsk.

Actually we are poking Jay a bit - his review is lovely and reads well - thank you Jay - Tetsu is now further up our list (no, we haven't been up that particular passage - unlike Jay and now presumably his band of following sycophants).

Sushi Tetsu

Jerusalem Passage

EC1

Review of the Review of Bina Tandoori, Caversham

We really do recommend you read the Review here first > http://www.getreading.co.uk/entertainment/food_and_drink/s/2117717_restaurant_review_bina_tandoori#container

Yes, yes, yes we agree with David here - 23 years and still attracting "busy Tuesdays" is admirable and certainly Bina Tandoori "must be doing something right" surely?

Before we even sniff the food, we like to take a look at the place. Does it have an internet presence? Ooo it does, good ... oh ... attention to detail and finishing touches is not one of their stronger points >  http://www.binatandoori.com/news.htm  < when we are asked (increasingly more frequently these days) "what are your weaknesses?" we usually say "grilled blue cheese and pear" or "Rowntrees fruit gums". In Bina Tandoori's case we know exactly what they'd say - "we seem to go off half cocked".

"Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit. Aenean commodo ligula eget dolor. Aenean massa. Cum sociis natoque penatibus et magnis dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus. Donec quam felis, ultricies nec, pellentesque eu, pretium quis, sem. Nulla consequat massa quis enim." and on and on. 

This is all simply meaningless place-holder drivel designed to be nonsensical - the text on their website almost alludes to "desiring to obtain pain of itself, because it is pain" although it is adjusted from the classical Cicero to in fact not translate, get the picture? Was all that meaningless twaddle? Well yes it is clearly meant to be. And if you go to their website (you really should as it is quite the saddest thing we have seen for a while) do click on the little (i) icon in the center of their headline image, you will raise your eyebrows to the heavens and "tut".

All this does is serve to blare at full volume "We published our website before it was ready to be published" and "We are good at starting things but just can't finish them off properly". Lets hope, after "23 years" the restaurant and menu is accomplished and completed.

Looking over their menu it is clear Bina are truly headed by "renaissance man" and the menu is crammed to bursting with dozens of dishes, reminiscent of a "catch-all takeaway menu", yet if you taste the Bina food, you'll know this is just not the case and indeed there are just a couple of delightful surprises - the Murgh Korma was entirely reminiscent of The Agra during our student days (late of Duke Street) although with a little less coconut but just as rich, creamy and loaded with chunks of tender chicken breast. Rice is rice at Bina and we'd suggest you only choose their rice if you need to fill yourself up quickly (we're carnivores and proud).

However we know you don't want to hear of our food experiences and we must stick to this being the "Review of the Review .."

Reviewers always insist on putting a little of themselves into their reviews to a greater or lesser extent and David is no exception. David tells us he is a prawn eating "vegetarian" and he has a partner, Simon. He likes popadums yet doesn't seem to have them with an assortment of pickles and relishes - hence we deduce he prefers them dry. David doesn't like it too spicy yet Simon likes it "a little hotter" and neither had much of an appetite that particular Tuesday (too many bacon sarnies from the van outside the office at coffee break we'd wager).

We do hear David as he tells us of his "pet hate" for being abandoned to look over the menu without even a glass of water although we're not about to take that bait as we're sure we talked about that somewhere else a short while ago. There must though be some happy medium between being instantly pestered to get sozzled and being abandoned for fifteen torturous minutes.

We readers don't get to hear what the "house" wines are and on the strength of that, we wouldn't touch them with someone else's barge-pole either, yet we applaud David and Simons decision to sample the Kingfisher - we assume it was cold and within it's sell-by-date (we're not told). If their DomP is really £135 a jug then we'd need to hear how they store it ... for that matter we'd like to see their cellar of £45 bottles of plonk too before we'd even consider tasting one.

Helpfully we readers are enticed with lists of all the usual ingredients and so readers will be relieved to not suffer any awkward surprises when you visit bina (and you must).

We advise you to ignore their website completely as it so obviously not meant to be published and instead concentrate on the food. David has made an interesting effort to review Bina Tandoori and even though his review has many gaps we do think you ought to maybe try it for yourselves. We remain puzzled as to why we needed to know the name of David's partner.

We'd be more positive if they paid more attention to detail and took that "all you can eat" off their menu and threw it off Caversham Bridge.

http://www.getreading.co.uk/entertainment/food_and_drink/s/2117717_restaurant_review_bina_tandoori#container

Review of the Review of Whitley Hilton, Reading by Hilary Scott

We recommend you read Hilary Scotts review for GetReading here first > http://www.getreading.co.uk/entertainment/food_and_drink/s/2117378_restaurant_review_larder_at_the_hilton#container


Hi Hills,
thank you for your enlightening review of the Whitley Hilton down on one of Readings arterial routes from Basingstoke,  Swindon or Winnersh. In case anyone wishes to visit - the Whitley Hilton is sandwiched between the Basingstoke Road (level with the "upsie-down") and the Council tip. You take a left (coming from town) or a Right (coming from out of town) off the A33 (I can't recall if there are traffic lights or a round-about there this week but be prepared for either and you'll be okay) along Lindisfarne Way (Fog on the Tyne, LSD, 70's and all that) ... The miniature town-ette they have built there is the most singularly weird place I have ever been - gives off the strangest of vibes I have ever encountered - possibly similar to when we had that total solar eclipse that time and the strangeness of the outdoors - birds are silent, boundaries between light and shade are blurred, sounds travel... differently somehow - perhaps it's the LSD. Any way, I gave a little shudder then - did you notice?

If you should look on Google maps or on Hill's map of the 'otel location in her article - you'll notice it hasn't been built yet ... actually it has and the map is some weird out-of-date device presented purely to confuse us.

We're not going to discuss the food as we've never eaten there - it is a Hilton Hotel for goodness sake. Their rooms are advertised at £119 a night for a "Queen Guest room" although when we phoned, all they had for midweek was a twin for single occupancy at a whopping £149 a night. By the way, the nice girl on the phone said they only charge £10 for their breakfast (difference between a room with and without breakfast) so we'd recommend taking a tent and camping outside then slip in through reception and just have the breakfast. 

We have always shied away, from eating here at the last moment,  having been put-off by drunken fans killing time before the Royals vs London, Irish games - whatever they are. And by the look of the dining room - very similar to BHS cafe upstairs in Broad Street. We're sure though the atmosphere of a sanitised Council Tip-side 'otel will prepare you for the games and compare suitably with the bland unfeeling, cold concrete of that stadium held at arms length, by the town, on the outskirts.

We get to the swimming pool - oh Hill's it's you who splashes energetically, enthusiastically and noisily in your arm-bands, shower cap and goggles, past me as I leisurely practise my back-stroke whilst balancing my plate of toast and marmalade on my stomach some mornings - do slow down Hill's and try not to splash quite so much - very off-putting you know - no one wants to race you or do "bombing" at that time of the morning.

Your description of your "main" of spinach, bacon and avocado salad, quite put us off our rhythm. Oh hang-on, now we're confused ... which and where are we reading about? Is it the Whitley Hilton or the Holiday inn "on the coast" You could have given more of a clue than that surely? We'll have to avoid ALL Holiday Inn hotels now just in case we accidentally trip into the one with the "stomach-churning puddle of green on a side plate".

You almost resolve the confusion though and we think we're now reading about the Whitley Hilton at last. Sadly Hills doesn't mention the Larder's claim to offer "locally sourced [ingredients] whenever possible" and so, we do not find out where in Reading they sourced the Feta or the "hand-dived" scallops ... or if indeed any of her meal was locally sourced. Our neighbour keeps three chickens so I'm sure they could have had a couple of locally sourced fried eggs or an omelette if they'd only asked. You say your partner had scallops "three fat and luscious hand-dived specimens" yet we only count two on that plate bloody awful lump of tacky 90's slate that it is. 

The remainder of the food is seemingly typical hotel-fare and not noteworthy .. except that you had the same slop (feta, watermelon and pumpkin seeds) on your plate at a London rubber-company joint? Bloody hell Hils which one? Oh do tell - there'll be a riot and we want to be in the crush to get away and not eat there.

Whitley Hilton - It is a hotel (not particulary cheap or atmospheric). Thery serve food for when you get hungry (same grub as in dozens and dozens of other hotels up and down the land).

Remarkable thing about the Whitley hilton? Apparently the sunset over the Council tip ... oh and the chef apparently knows what he is doing. Gawd 'elp us.

Review of the Review of The Bull Steak Expert

We recommend you read Marinas review here first > http://www.metro.co.uk/lifestyle/restaurants/905423-the-bull-steak-expert-serves-some-of-the-finest-steak-in-london


We dribbled at the thought of a review of The Bull from the spankingly gorgeous Marina ... even though it is entirely of Argentinian beef.

Sitting at our office table we hunched over the menu as soon as Jissom came back from his secret task, mid-morning, to "get us a copy of their menu - sharpish!" A quick "book" was opened on "how many steaks will Marina get through for this review" (I had 7 (including the surf & Turf)) [oh does that double parenthesis give away my logic programming background? never mind]. I was sure I'd win the fiver this time - Marina wouldn't let me down ...

Oh ... the feisty 'scotch' brunette beauty only managed the one - a sirloin (angosto) and her partner-in-beef a single rump. Oh ... is that it?

Really Marina?

Well, apart from some fiddling about with a poncey starter and an offering of rabbit food accompanying the (single) steak, yes that is it.

Now, come on Marina surely you could have done better than that? (no one in the office won the fiver as no one could have believed Marina would only manage a single steak when reviewing a steak house ... it'll stay in the pot for another day.

We'd have loved to hear about the ribeye and were longing to moisten and dribble over a "Marina review" of a Churrasco de Lomo Marinado fillet, oh yes and of course following with the Cuarteto Mayor (rump, sirloin, ribeye & fillet). Caring less about the sides and silly sauces, we feel abandoned, let down.

This then begs the question - "do lady reviewers have their place?" and even  "Shouldn't perhaps a man review The Bull Steak Expert? A man with an appetite?"

The Bull Steak Expert 54 Red Lion Street

Read Marinas review here > http://www.metro.co.uk/lifestyle/restaurants/905423-the-bull-steak-expert-serves-some-of-the-finest-steak-in-london

Review of the Review of Masala 22 Tilehurst

wrfw recommend you read the review here first > http://www.getreading.co.uk/entertainment/food_and_drink/s/2116845_restaurant_review_masala_22

Vicky, we like this - we like the review, we like Masala 22.

None of that silly stuff about anyone being "not much cop" or snogging in taxis ... actually we quite enjoyed that stuff in that other review but hey, this is light, refreshing and just what we needed on a Thursday afternoon.

We read this earlier today and were sure you'd told us what you though the pan fried fish of the day was ... we read it again this afternoon though and that bit has gone from your review - would be really good to know what it was - we'll probably run up there for a meal this evening with our 30 guests if it is Monk Fish ...

Anyway, lovely review. Masala 22 is on our list. (our good list that is)

Review of the Review of Scott's Hill, Manchester

Oh come on Emma - give them another chance, surely? Perhaps they'd been really busy that day and their only option was to send the maid to Tesco for a few bits and pieces? Or maybe it was Lidl? Your description of lamb shanks matched Lidl precisely although the crème brûlée rather smacked of Waitrose - that poor maid was probably dashing all over Chorlton and just for you - at least show a little gratitude and at least next time let them know when you will be going so they can prepare "the good stuff". Sadly Joanne is probably salting the Heinz Mulligatawny with her tears as we type. If we were anywhere near Manchester, we'd try it Joanne ... and we'd give you plenty of warning. There, there.


Read more: http://www.metro.co.uk/lifestyle/restaurants/904764-scotts-hill-came-across-as-a-restaurant-that-didnt-care-about-food

Review of the Review of Shrimpy's in Kings Cross

WRFW recommend you read Marina O'Loughlin's review first here > http://www.metro.co.uk/lifestyle/restaurants/904777-shrimpy-s-in-king-s-cross-is-a-ray-of-sunshine

We drove past Shrimpy's once - thought it was a building site and with the hoard of "strang-esters" (strange scenesters) lurking at the gateway we had second thoughts and finally concluded it must be "one of them raves" and instructed our man, Jissom to "find somewhere looking more like a restaurant". When The Filling Station was suggested, we immediately imagined smells of stale oil and benzene and the chink of greasy spanners from the kitchenette. Perhaps were were wrong.

We have to say though - having to weave our way through a forecourt "rammed with people" doesn't appeal even though our man is very good at getting us through to the front.

Intrigued by the thought of perching at some "walk-in" counter - what on earth is a "walk-in" counter? We could understand "climb-over" or "crawl-under" but not a "Walk-in" counter.

Admitedly pineapples are a (until now) secret fetish of ours and we are quiet fans of Donald and the lads - Pablo and David. The thought of Donald servicing us in a boiler suit gives us a bit of a tingle.

Food? Actually we never mind when Marina doesn't get to the food until around halfway through her sparkly reviews as we love the build-up and enjoy the almost torturous restraint Marina puts us to ... then ... she speaks of food and we gasp - not their most successful element? Another sodding "Calexican" - uh oh ok we'll continue ... s'pose.

Why would Shrimpy's present anyone with the ghastly brit-style pork scratchings and risk emergency dental treatment bills? We'd have stuffed them in our pockets for sucking later in the back of the car.Cardboard plantains, fried chicken on a gloop, over-bready soft-shell - all sounds very disapponting.

Oh ... we get it now - Shrimpy's isn't about the food - it is the experience we are expected to pay for and the food is simply for poking around the plate with an underused tenedor. We agree that if you are on a "hot date" and "on a promise" or a "sure thing", the last you want before making-out in a local hotel is some lumbering great meal - Shrimpy's is probably the best thing - bright, noisy, fashionable an impressive experience and NO FOOD.

Marina - you know we love a game girl - we'll get Jissom to drive back past there again one day soon ... maybe we'll stop for a perching experience and then dash off to a hotel. I'll speak to 'her' and see if she is up for a dirty weekend "up the smoke" with promises of an impressive experience ...

Read more: http://www.metro.co.uk/lifestyle/restaurants/904777-shrimpy-s-in-king-s-cross-is-a-ray-of-sunshine

Review of the Review of Jamie's Italian, Reading

We recommend you read this first > http://www.getreading.co.uk/entertainment/food_and_drink/s/2116412_restaurant_review_jamies_italian

To kick off her review of Jamie's Italian at the 'Orrible, Reading, Hilary Scott ("Hills" to her friends) ... we'll refer to her as Hilary, for now at least ... oh yes ... Hilary kicked off her review of Jamie's Italian by imparting some gossip about her life - Hilary has been to Italy twice - once there was a train strike which cost her 300 Euro and a night in a hotel with (presumably) her 'not much cop, boyfriend' oh but what a night it could have been ... if only.  Her second visit was the day after the relationship with "not much cop" ended. A noteworthy precedent and warning to any future (or current - we are not given this snippet) suitors for Hilary - check the trains first. However this is not merely a throw-away introduction to this review of Jamie's Italian by Hilary as it sets the scene - Hilary (it feels like we know her already) ... Hils is clearly a 'game bird', has money (pays 300E for a taxi), doesn't tolerate anyone 'not much cop' and is persistent and ravenous in her quest for Italian food. From Hils love of Italian food we can deduce she is a 'woman' and certainly a woman of taste, unfettered by trivial girlie diets - no one who craves 'Italian' would stoop to diet, surely? And from what we have seen - dieting is certainly not necessary.

Hils has us screeching to a dusty halt on an Italian roadside because we've just seen a porchetta van (we imagine a Citroen 'H' van with drop side). For those not knowing Italy it is useful to know the herbs in the pork 'de panino' would probably have been sage and parsley although this does differ from van to van. Jamie has a recipe on his website using a stuffing for this made from ingredients such as chicken livers, pork mince, pine nuts, raisins ... yes 'raisins' how mad is that? Apple maybe but raisins! We'd have picked them out as we detest raisins in savoury although at a pinch we'll tolerate them in a bobotie. Anyway and back to the A90 - eeuuw - not petrol fumes though as that is now 'colouring' our imagined scene.

http://www.jamieoliver.com/italian/reading

No, we're not going to go through the whole review - Hils makes it all very appetising and we recommend you read her review and visit Jamie's Italian - brilliant location by the way and Jamie was apparently very happy to get the spot on the river in Readings restaurant quarter.

Jamie will not get a vulcanised gong from the rubber company for this [blatantly pinched that and paraphrased from someone infinitely more capable] although we shouldn't think he'll be disappointed and neither should you - well worth a visit or even two. The seating is a bit cramped for our liking and feels a bit like a noisy garden center cafe with so many round tables and silly chairs stuffed in. Every other table has a beard with braces taking photos of their grub and tweeting (or more probably FB'ing as it is Reading) but hey, forget that and eat.Choose the pork, you really really must.

We love Jamie's Italian and Hils review - we "thoroughly recommend".

Hils has set the bar with this delightful, informative and enticing review - we shall look out for more from Hilary Scott.

The Water Tower - Flaming Grill - Tilehurst

We WERE thinking of reviewing this flaming place ....


The sign said it was a Steak House. We weren't expecting anything more than a Steak House. Although flamin' 'eck, we just wish it had been a review-able Steak House.


The Bear and Dragon ... uh sorry .... the Water Tower / Flaming Grill (jeez we despise this gratuitous pub name changing fetish) is ideally situated for a quick "it's Saturday evening, lets take the kids out for a steak". It is at the junction of Park Lane, Langley Hill and Halls Road - the No.17 bus will stop outside if you're polite to the driver and sometimes even if you're not.

We found a table around the side from the noisy bar area .... you may wish to look away now.

The table was sticky and we had to ask for it to be cleaned.
Only two of our (identical) drinks had a straw.
The "Sizzling rib combo sharing" starter was only enough for one - two at a pinch.
There were only two corn cobettes (we were three).
After we'd used the cutlery for the starter and our plates were quickly replaced with our"mains" (god I hate that term) we had to ask for more cutlery.
Steaks arrived - single good news - it did look like it was an actual "rib-eye" steak. My partners prawns with the "surf  & Turf" looked a little like prawns and the other in our little group had a piece of bacon in the "Mini Mixed Grill" which "tasted really quite good" although the 2oz burger was so full of cereal we couldn't really taste the meat and the same with the sausage ... the fried egg was nicely cooked.
Strangely though the weird platters the steaks arrive on were so very hot, the steaks continued to cook from underneath whilst we were eating them and by the time we were half way through, they were no longer 'medium-rare' and getting on for 'well-done'.
My fresh strawberry gateau after my steak tasted 'chemically' and the strawberries were most certainly not fresh - although were probably from a freshly opened tin.

Well, we warned you. We're not going to tell you anything else about this place nor its food except to say, when we went out to our car it looked as though an elephant bird had taken a sack of "dulcolax" the night before and it had only just "done the trick" ... all over our bonnet - we had foolishly parked under one of the large oak trees..

The sign said it was a Steak House. We weren't expecting anything more than a Steak House. Although we just wish it had been a review-able Steak House.

Advice to the Water Tower?
Don't mess with pub names.
Pay attention to the details.
Keep tables clean and free from sticky yuk yuk.
Make the sharing starters a little more share-able.
Perhaps try local sourcing for your meats (local farms) - this would be a great 'crowd pleaser' and SO much more tasty.
Use fresh strawberries (unless of course you buy your puddings from Costco - in which case just don't bother).

A day later and we still felt uncomfortably bloated.

We'll visit again in a few weeks and hopefully we'll be able to review with a sparkle but until then we are still searching for a review-able Steak House around Reading ...



The Water Tower - 160 Park Lane Tilehurst
Contact: Michael Cekalla
Tel: 01183 217207

Review of the Review of The Gate

WRFW recommend you read this first > http://www.metro.co.uk/lifestyle/restaurants/902565-the-gates-meat-free-menu-avoids-all-the-cliches-of-vegetarian-eating


And only then, read our Review of the Review ...






We like Gate, we like meat, we like Marina, we like this review.

Enticed we are, mmmm (Yoda) (tripped in the 70's whilst watching StarWars in the Rayners Lane Odeon and have never fully recovered) by the statement that "simple stuff becomes sophisticated. As Marina describes and entices us with her words of wisdom and envied experience and knowledge. Did that make sense? We don't care. 

If ever anything might tempt WRFW to eat a vegetarian meal – it is Marinas review of Gate. Not once did this fair maiden mention "eclectic" and that in itself is a plus in our book – she could have done of course and quite easily but, well done her – she didn't.

In a simple paragraph we know the chefs, who they are and their background. Marina takes the trouble even to tell us about the vegetarian wine and precisely why it is vegetarian

Delighting at the naughtiness of ordering a risotto cake because it is "bound to be a claggy abomination" caused us to squirm with delight on our bar-stool. Rushing to read to the end, we gasped for breath and read the review again.

Lavender brulee is a favourite of ours and so we hope they dry it out a bit, soon. You can keep the chilli chocolate though – THAT is emperors new clothes and we'd rather wet our digits and finger ants into our mouth any day.

Opening all day is a plus as our timing is off recently and we tend to dine at around 11:00am. Not sure about the schlepping Sir Paul McCartney though – it would be quite annoying if he turned up just as we were tucking into a plate load of broad bean quenelles and their accompanying ballast.

The place does look a little dark although Marina probably had her digi-cam shutter speed a little too rapid – ooh we have those exact same main lights in our workshop.

Nice one Marina – Gate is back on our list. Pah! "neatly folded programmes" indeed

Review of the Review of The Fishermans Cottage, Reading

Review of the Review of The Fishermans Cottage, Reading


We suggest you read this review first: http://www.getreading.co.uk/entertainment/food_and_drink/s/2115659_restaurant_review_the_fishermans_cottage 

Mike reviews the Fisherman's Cottage with an infectious enthusiasm and with none of the 70's clichés and importantly, with more than just a mere list of adjectives and food names. WRFW love to 'people watch' and delight at Mike telling us of the Beer Garden out front where we could watch the day go by. The scene is set and we are tempted inside.

The sauce Mike described as being “mellow and creamy with faint bitterness and an occasional kick” is intriguing and we swear we could taste the Lamb Massaman and equally lamented the slightly over heavy bread. Fullers ales and a guest beer are certainly an advantage to The Fisherman's Cottage as is the recent clearance of the abundance of drug dealers from the area. Mike brilliantly crowbars in the suggestion that the short walk from town, along the Kennet  would allow indulgence in dessert.

The sheer mix of food – from Thai through to Bubble & Squeak and even Yorkshire Pudding is a little puzzling and we would love to be a (metaphorical) fly-on-the-wall in their frenetic kitchens, although we are drawn by Mike telling us the Thai chefs brought their own equipment - they clearly are dedicated and enthusiastically encouraged by landlord Ricky Natne.

This area of Reading has changed much over the years and the Grand parents of one of the WRFW kept a barber shop in Orts Road back before the war. New Town is unrecognisable from the old days and Mikes review has given us a reason to revisit. We hope there is a table or two where we are not distracted by the TV's although “when in Rome ...”

Thank you Mike and Ricky Natne – Fisherman's Cottage is on our list.

Review of the review of Revolution in Reading

We suggest you read this first: 

http://www.getreading.co.uk/entertainment/food_and_drink/c/2115197_restaurant_review_revolution 

And then read our review of the review

Hi Caroline Cook, thanks for sharing your review of food at the pub - Revolution with us.

This IS a RESTAURANT review isn't it?

So, you leave work at 5 with the sun shining, go to a pub and order a “glass of wine”. Caroline, what wine did you have? Was it any good? Was it kept well? Was it from a bottle or one of those anonymous 'hose' devices pubs have for serving (seemingly) watered/tasteless/nondescript drinks?

So, into the menu and the interesting bit – oh how lovely – 15 new “dishes for the season” but oh Caroline you forgot to tell us what the new dishes are – how can we be enticed if we can't imagine the food in front of us on a plate? We can't sniff the air and catch a whisp of the flavours you yourself tasted on our behalf.

Nachos are actually Mexican and not Italian. Tortillas (again, Mexican) are either omelettes or a flat bread of maize or wheat flour – we can only presume you had either maize or wheat flour.

Mezze is a Mediterranean dish originating from the Turkish/Ottoman empire. Hang on – do they prepare all this on the premises? We bet they don't and there is a bank of microwaves out the back somewhere or a steady convoy of delivery scooters bustling to and from Revolutions back passage. We can only assume this as there is no evidence to the contrary.

Come on Caroline is this a review or a description of an evening out 'on the company' with a mate?

The only enticing aspect to this review is Carolines all to brief encounter with the unlikely 'Bakewell Tart flavoured Vodka'. In fact no, not even that – we shall never enter “Revolution” looking for food.

Thanks from WRFW (West Reading Food Writers) wrfw.blogspot.com

Review of review of River Spice

We suggest you read this first:

http://www.getreading.co.uk/entertainment/food_and_drink/s/2114309_restaurant_review_river_spice

And then read our review of the review:

Hi Caroline Cook, thanks for sharing your review of River Spice with us. We thought it would be a useful accompaniment to your review to include the following 'forgotten' details:

In case anyone is wondering exactly what a “Nazakat Chicken” is:

Nazakat means Komaltaa in Hindi or softness in English usually used for girls/females

The spices and what-not in a murgh (chicken) Nazakat are usually: Dry red chillies, mustard seeds, onion, garlic, ginger, turmeric, coriander and green chillies. Although sadly Caroline forgot to tell us what spices went into the dish at River Spice nor whether it was properly cooked. Nazakat originates from Arabic and on a seemingly confused internet (lots of “chefs secret recipes”) Nazakat now seems to be known as a Pakistani dish.

With River Spice popadoms going for 70p EACH we just hope their seats are really, really comfortable (we can get a pack of a hundred or so from Exotic Supermarket for around a quid)

We'd have loved to have been told just what spices were in the seabass platter and what it tasted like and was it “pan-fried” in oil or ghee? Sadly again Caroline forgets to inform her reader.

It is interesting to know that It is thought that the very first “butter chicken” (murgh makhani) was hastily prepared by a Delhi eatery chef post dinner time for a harried VIP customer who wanted "some" chicken dish. The chef had only half of a Tandoori Chicken which he tossed with liberal amounts of butter, tomato and garam masalas to come up with the earliest version of "butter chicken". He later improvised to make this a regular feature of the menu. [bibli: wikipedia]

The Tamarind is known as the “india date” and is widely used in South Asia and known by many different names – e.g. in hindi it is called “imli”

Never the less, we had overlooked River Spice and thanks to Caroline, we have included them on our growing list to visit in and around Reading. We so want to taste the monk fish.

Thanks from WRFW (West Reading Food Writers) wrfw.blogspot.com

It’d be best to try an Aalt-ernative at Aalto in Birmingham By Marina O'Loughlin - 6th June, 2012

Our shortest review yet.

Eeuw we couldn't eat in a place that looks like a 1980's brash, unrefined Birmingham company boardroom. Nope not even if the food is recommended by Marina. We'd feel obliged to massage some statistics and present them to other diners on a flip-chart and with a laser pointer.

We'd open the door just to check it wasn't a dream and then go to the chippy down the road.

Sir Peter Rigby probably feels right at home here. Bless him.

Read more: http://www.metro.co.uk/lifestyle/restaurants/900924-it-s-best-to-try-an-aalt-ernative#ixzz1xJALnByE

Money talks and so does the security at Novikov in Mayfair By Marina O'Loughlin - 30th May, 2012

I love people watching and am impressed that it takes you until paragraph 5 before we learn you are seated downwind from an expensive looking floral arrangement. Don't get me wrong, I love that it is not until paragraph 8 that we (your drooling readers) get to read about anything edible and am delighted by your unabashed and confident bravery when saying "Не, нет, нет" to Novikov in Mayfair. Purely on the strength of your review and as you point out "they" (men-in-black) don't even readily allow you time to finish your wine (when not eating at home I love to "French it" and take the whole afternoon or indeed whole evening, to eat and talk and people watch and eat more and ... and on it goes) I thank you for your warning and agree "Не, нет, нет".

Read more: http://www.metro.co.uk/lifestyle/restaurants/900549-money-talks-and-so-does-the-security-at-novikov-in-mayfair#ixzz1xJ9s17eq

Backstreet boy Verru is a little Baltic beauty By Marina O'Loughlin - 23rd May, 2012

Well, this "normal" person objects - where were you intending to review before your focus was diverted? I dislike 'cafe' style restaurants with bench seating and sharply square edged tables and certainly I couldn't possibly eat without involuntarily gurning, in a place splashed with "various shades of sludge" as it would hint that all their food offerings may taste of Heinz Mushroom Soup, I'd need to smoke a cheroot, mid course - just to fud them off. Although, and I pause here, although the enticing "perfect Skandi soup" and your pavlovian description of scallops and even the pigs trotter, have me moistening. Alas though, no - let me know when they emerge from their "shades of sludge" phase. Brothel Pink always gets me hungry and moist for more byraway

Read more: http://www.metro.co.uk/lifestyle/restaurants/899827-backstreet-boy-verru-is-a-little-baltic-beauty#ixzz1xJ9OiXTk

High steaks at Le Relais de Venise L'Entrecôte in Manchester By Emma Sturgess - 23rd May, 2012

No, no, no. The tables are too close together. It looks like a really uncomfortable canteen. No elbow room. I understand the simplistic no-frills, no options style of menu and am quite taken with it but (and it is a big BUT) To not know about coeliacs and to flop some cheese in front of vegetarians is unforgivable in this day and age. They will not see me. No way. No, no no.

Read more: http://www.metro.co.uk/lifestyle/restaurants/899860-high-steaks-at-le-relais-de-venise-lentrecote-in-manchester#ixzz1xJ8wfo7f

The Brasserie at Alderley Edge Hotel isn't perfect but it oozes potential By Emma Sturgess - 9th May, 2012

Oh for heavens sake Brasserie at Alderley Edge Hotel is reminiscent of any one of twenty street tabac in Lyon except the chairs around the tables match the bar stools (this would never happen). If this is selected from Cheshire's finest then it's clientele of garish footballers and their various hangers-on are welcome to it and its (too rare) beef burgers - incidentally how on earth a "too rare" burger can be "basically sound" I don't know. Basically and sanguinistically unsound if you ask me, even if it has a surplus of additions, presumably to mask the chefs premature ejaculation from the grill. I have to say though, the idea of a sweet, starter-sized omelette of smoked haddock and brown shrimp had me salivating down my tee shirt and even the cat was purring (she is a bit of a tart though and will purr at the drop of a hat).

Having said that though if I'm in the area I would pop in if only to see which part of a chicken is used for the "crisp crumb sphere". The only part I can imagine that shape is an egg, but then you wouldn't make Chicken Kiev with an egg, not even in Alderley Edge ... would you?

Read more: http://www.metro.co.uk/lifestyle/restaurants/898474-the-brasserie-at-alderley-edge-hotel-isnt-perfect-but-it-oozes-potential#ixzz1xJ8K6xof

Every night's a Royal knees up at Bunga Bunga By Marina O'Loughlin - 16th May, 2012

The hanging French or Italian mopeds appear rather disconcerting - hopefully not dripping oil as these things usually do, when not stored in dusty, old and sun-lit barns - as is the apparent May-pole entwined "acro-prop" supporting the beam above the bar. What with the flat prosecco and soggy Milanese - I get the impression you're recommending Bunga Bunga for its comedic value alone?

Read more: http://www.metro.co.uk/lifestyle/restaurants/899173-every-nights-a-royal-knees-up-at-bunga-bunga#ixzz1xJ7On7ta

Review of Review of Sindlesham Mill by Paul Cassell For Get Reading

We eventually managed to get through this restaurant review and stop ourselves giggling at the fifth attempt. Noting no picture of the outside (nor inside) of Sindlesham Mill we can only concur, this is a shrewd move by Paul as the place resembles a work-house when seen from the main road through lower Early.

Straight in then, oh we do so dislike being pestered by the staff – named “Jesus” or not – and if we were badgered for our drinks order before even settling our backsides on to the cold, hard seating, we'd have told Jesus to firmly go away and to wait until we were ready. It is surely our prerogative to sit and look about the place before being pestered to have our senses numbed by alcohol? Perhaps they needed to be numbed as quickly as possible when at Sindlesham Mill.

At paragraph six, Paul get around to relaxing his gushing (more later) praise of Jesus and his attention swings to the food with the classic verb to “whet”. Sadly Paul keeps it a secret as to whether his rustic French breads were baked in the kitchens and with flour from the Mill – does the mill “work” these days? At least though, the mill served a generous tub of oil in which to take a dip, says Paul.

Oh dear and Pauls guest chose a sautéed mushroom to start the meal (Paul’s review indicates singular so we'll go along with singular).

By now the gushing river running through the restaurant would have had us scanning for the loo – but if that is what 'floats your boat' then good for you.

We never get to know what breed chillis are in the tomato sauce with his mussels, nor from where the mussels were caught – it actually IS important to let us know these things although the fact that the chef is mysteriously anonymous, perhaps that, like the mussels and bread came from ASDA (at least they bake in-house) back in Early or worse, from Sainsbury's up the Wokingham Road. We can only guess at these mysteries. The trio of lamb does sound enticing although we've had 'bon bons' before, from the corner shop and so we hope Paul got more than just the one he mentioned. Paul omits to tell us what happened and 'how Jesus would cope' when he (presumably) returned his rump to the chef for being overdone nor what Jesus did when Paul complained of – oh God tell us he sent them back, please tell us he sent them back – Jenga-esque chips. The bane of our life is Jenga chips, and “plumped” and “opted” and dieting guests” - Paul, you hit the jackpot with this review of Sindlesham Mill.

Carrots … with tomatoes? Carrots? Oh please – even if your guest you have carefully selected to accompany you for a restaurant review is on a DIET – who on earth would decide to take a dieting guest on a restaurant review? At the very least don't TELL us they are on a diet – we would INSTANTLY discount everything said in a review with a dieter. - no one on a diet can possibly be a food lover. It is a fact Paul, just don't do it any more – consider yourself told-off.

Well, what can WRFW say about this? We are not persuaded to even drive along the main road past the Sindlesham Mill let alone eat there or heaven forbid book a room (we can only presume Paul is planning ahead for some excursion later in the year and is trying to get a good deal). Paul keeps the name of the chef surprisingly secret – we phoned the mill to find out who does the cooking but they too said “sorry we don't give out that information”.

Now, where is the loo?

Sindlesham Mill - 01189499988

Get Reading http://www.getreading.co.uk/entertainment/food_and_drink/s/2114864_restaurant_review_sindlesham_mill