Review of Review of Sindlesham Mill by Paul Cassell For Get Reading

We eventually managed to get through this restaurant review and stop ourselves giggling at the fifth attempt. Noting no picture of the outside (nor inside) of Sindlesham Mill we can only concur, this is a shrewd move by Paul as the place resembles a work-house when seen from the main road through lower Early.

Straight in then, oh we do so dislike being pestered by the staff – named “Jesus” or not – and if we were badgered for our drinks order before even settling our backsides on to the cold, hard seating, we'd have told Jesus to firmly go away and to wait until we were ready. It is surely our prerogative to sit and look about the place before being pestered to have our senses numbed by alcohol? Perhaps they needed to be numbed as quickly as possible when at Sindlesham Mill.

At paragraph six, Paul get around to relaxing his gushing (more later) praise of Jesus and his attention swings to the food with the classic verb to “whet”. Sadly Paul keeps it a secret as to whether his rustic French breads were baked in the kitchens and with flour from the Mill – does the mill “work” these days? At least though, the mill served a generous tub of oil in which to take a dip, says Paul.

Oh dear and Pauls guest chose a sautéed mushroom to start the meal (Paul’s review indicates singular so we'll go along with singular).

By now the gushing river running through the restaurant would have had us scanning for the loo – but if that is what 'floats your boat' then good for you.

We never get to know what breed chillis are in the tomato sauce with his mussels, nor from where the mussels were caught – it actually IS important to let us know these things although the fact that the chef is mysteriously anonymous, perhaps that, like the mussels and bread came from ASDA (at least they bake in-house) back in Early or worse, from Sainsbury's up the Wokingham Road. We can only guess at these mysteries. The trio of lamb does sound enticing although we've had 'bon bons' before, from the corner shop and so we hope Paul got more than just the one he mentioned. Paul omits to tell us what happened and 'how Jesus would cope' when he (presumably) returned his rump to the chef for being overdone nor what Jesus did when Paul complained of – oh God tell us he sent them back, please tell us he sent them back – Jenga-esque chips. The bane of our life is Jenga chips, and “plumped” and “opted” and dieting guests” - Paul, you hit the jackpot with this review of Sindlesham Mill.

Carrots … with tomatoes? Carrots? Oh please – even if your guest you have carefully selected to accompany you for a restaurant review is on a DIET – who on earth would decide to take a dieting guest on a restaurant review? At the very least don't TELL us they are on a diet – we would INSTANTLY discount everything said in a review with a dieter. - no one on a diet can possibly be a food lover. It is a fact Paul, just don't do it any more – consider yourself told-off.

Well, what can WRFW say about this? We are not persuaded to even drive along the main road past the Sindlesham Mill let alone eat there or heaven forbid book a room (we can only presume Paul is planning ahead for some excursion later in the year and is trying to get a good deal). Paul keeps the name of the chef surprisingly secret – we phoned the mill to find out who does the cooking but they too said “sorry we don't give out that information”.

Now, where is the loo?

Sindlesham Mill - 01189499988

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