Review of the Review of Whitley Hilton, Reading by Hilary Scott

We recommend you read Hilary Scotts review for GetReading here first > http://www.getreading.co.uk/entertainment/food_and_drink/s/2117378_restaurant_review_larder_at_the_hilton#container


Hi Hills,
thank you for your enlightening review of the Whitley Hilton down on one of Readings arterial routes from Basingstoke,  Swindon or Winnersh. In case anyone wishes to visit - the Whitley Hilton is sandwiched between the Basingstoke Road (level with the "upsie-down") and the Council tip. You take a left (coming from town) or a Right (coming from out of town) off the A33 (I can't recall if there are traffic lights or a round-about there this week but be prepared for either and you'll be okay) along Lindisfarne Way (Fog on the Tyne, LSD, 70's and all that) ... The miniature town-ette they have built there is the most singularly weird place I have ever been - gives off the strangest of vibes I have ever encountered - possibly similar to when we had that total solar eclipse that time and the strangeness of the outdoors - birds are silent, boundaries between light and shade are blurred, sounds travel... differently somehow - perhaps it's the LSD. Any way, I gave a little shudder then - did you notice?

If you should look on Google maps or on Hill's map of the 'otel location in her article - you'll notice it hasn't been built yet ... actually it has and the map is some weird out-of-date device presented purely to confuse us.

We're not going to discuss the food as we've never eaten there - it is a Hilton Hotel for goodness sake. Their rooms are advertised at £119 a night for a "Queen Guest room" although when we phoned, all they had for midweek was a twin for single occupancy at a whopping £149 a night. By the way, the nice girl on the phone said they only charge £10 for their breakfast (difference between a room with and without breakfast) so we'd recommend taking a tent and camping outside then slip in through reception and just have the breakfast. 

We have always shied away, from eating here at the last moment,  having been put-off by drunken fans killing time before the Royals vs London, Irish games - whatever they are. And by the look of the dining room - very similar to BHS cafe upstairs in Broad Street. We're sure though the atmosphere of a sanitised Council Tip-side 'otel will prepare you for the games and compare suitably with the bland unfeeling, cold concrete of that stadium held at arms length, by the town, on the outskirts.

We get to the swimming pool - oh Hill's it's you who splashes energetically, enthusiastically and noisily in your arm-bands, shower cap and goggles, past me as I leisurely practise my back-stroke whilst balancing my plate of toast and marmalade on my stomach some mornings - do slow down Hill's and try not to splash quite so much - very off-putting you know - no one wants to race you or do "bombing" at that time of the morning.

Your description of your "main" of spinach, bacon and avocado salad, quite put us off our rhythm. Oh hang-on, now we're confused ... which and where are we reading about? Is it the Whitley Hilton or the Holiday inn "on the coast" You could have given more of a clue than that surely? We'll have to avoid ALL Holiday Inn hotels now just in case we accidentally trip into the one with the "stomach-churning puddle of green on a side plate".

You almost resolve the confusion though and we think we're now reading about the Whitley Hilton at last. Sadly Hills doesn't mention the Larder's claim to offer "locally sourced [ingredients] whenever possible" and so, we do not find out where in Reading they sourced the Feta or the "hand-dived" scallops ... or if indeed any of her meal was locally sourced. Our neighbour keeps three chickens so I'm sure they could have had a couple of locally sourced fried eggs or an omelette if they'd only asked. You say your partner had scallops "three fat and luscious hand-dived specimens" yet we only count two on that plate bloody awful lump of tacky 90's slate that it is. 

The remainder of the food is seemingly typical hotel-fare and not noteworthy .. except that you had the same slop (feta, watermelon and pumpkin seeds) on your plate at a London rubber-company joint? Bloody hell Hils which one? Oh do tell - there'll be a riot and we want to be in the crush to get away and not eat there.

Whitley Hilton - It is a hotel (not particulary cheap or atmospheric). Thery serve food for when you get hungry (same grub as in dozens and dozens of other hotels up and down the land).

Remarkable thing about the Whitley hilton? Apparently the sunset over the Council tip ... oh and the chef apparently knows what he is doing. Gawd 'elp us.