Review of the Review of The Old Devil Inn on A4 Reading

We really recommend you read the review here first > http://www.getreading.co.uk/entertainment/food_and_drink/s/2118824_restaurant_review_the_old_devil_inn

Oh for heavens sake Caroline yes it takes a little while to find a good pub/restaurant, it is like saying 'it gets dark at night' – we all know it. Also, how on earth it took you an hour to drive around the outskirts of Reading we just don't know – we can do it in 20 minutes / half an hour tops – we shouldn't really criticise, we don't know what you drive like, although really we'd only expect to see evidence of your journey if say, you were going somewhere off the beaten track or to a brand new 'pop-up' and your taxi driver hadn't heard of it and not some pub on the main A4 between Reading and Slough.

As you were drinking, we take it you had a 'designated driver' although you don't say ... we so hope.

The baked Camembert sounds like an interesting 80's resurrection for a pub – which Camembert was it? Where did it come from? Who produced it? Asda perhaps?

We would have expected the chorizo to have a stronger taste than Salami as the smoked pimentón in chorizo can come across with quite a heat – depending upon where the chorizo was cured and by whom. Presumably the pub didn't bake it's own breads but you don't tell us – perhaps you'll let us know.

Oh we give up – unless this pub has something special to offer (your descriptions don't hint at this) then it really is just another pub serving part bought / part “home made” food and isn't worth reviewing … goodness sake you'll be reviewing the “puka pies” over at the Three Tuns on the Wokingham Road next. What we're saying is – please review somewhere out of the ordinary, somewhere special, somewhere momentous, memorable. Try the Crooked Billet over at Stoke Row (actually we preferred it when it was a pub) we had some 'interesting' 90's style Green Lipped Mussels there about 15 years ago. Or the Pineapple, or the Cherry Tree. The Crooked Billet has been reviewed more times than even they know so you can't go far wrong (and the chef will stay in the kitchen and not come around the table 'punter-bothering' and fishing for compliments.. And a tip from us – free – gratis – if a restaurant or pub serves you chunky 'jenga-style' chips – get up and walk out, don't review it, just keep walking, don't turn around – you'd get a better constructed meal at the Knowl Hill café down the road.

Your photo isn't even of the food you ate – now how daft is that? Oh Caroline not a stock photo surely?

Maybe soon there will be two sections in Get Reading for reviews – one for “pubs what do grub innit” and another for “Restaurants of note”

Review of the Review of Cosmo, Reading

We really really recommend you read the review here first > http://www.getreading.co.uk/entertainment/food_and_drink/s/2118199_restaurant_review_cosmo

Dear Jon, we really don't care about your bag, your gap-year, your mate, your stain from Sri Lanka or the grit from Australia - is this a 'restaurant review' or a reminiscence of your formative years? 

The plates in your photo (or is it a stock photo?) look weird and we'd much rather have seen your plate of food and a shot of the inside of the place - what's it like? Seating good? Was the food any good? You tell us what you and your mate had to eat but was it any good? Over cooked / undercooked? Dry? Moist? Seasoning right? Too much of this or too little of that? 

Unlimited top-ups of fizzy pop seems massively exorbitant at £2.20 a go - we can get 2L of Cola at the Exotic Supermarket down the Oxford Road for less than two quid and we couldn't drink the whole 2 litres in one hit. 

We think this is a lazy (and we suspect cheap) "Restaurant Review" and doesn't even get a "pffft" from us.

Review of the Review of Solita, Manchester

We really really suggest you read this first here > http://www.metro.co.uk/lifestyle/restaurants/907768-solita-is-buzzy-and-chaotic-but-rather-underwhelming

Emma Sturgess we like this review. You pack a punch and don't hold back. This is not truculence for the sake of it - Emma knows what she is talking about and we sense a Marinaesque sparkle to her writing. Next time though Emma - do try more of the food - only one steak just isn't good enough - we don't get the full picture - what about the burgers? The Salmon? Jacobs Ladder? Your single rib-eye could have been a fluke and how many of the cocktails did you try? We bet Marina would have tried ten or more. We like this review Emma and we like you. Solita is off our radar.

Read more: http://www.metro.co.uk/lifestyle/restaurants/907768-solita-is-buzzy-and-chaotic-but-rather-underwhelming#ixzz22zIdYB3u

Review of the Review of Broad Chare, Newcastle upon Tyne

We recommend you read the review here first > http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2012/aug/05/jay-rayner-broad-chare-newcastle-upon-tyne?commentpage=last#end-of-comments

Our darling of the radio - big-boned Jay Rayner is back to plug his radio show and crowbars it in to another "Restaurant Review" (actually this one is a pub (with a room) but this review doesn't seem to be too choosy). We are enthralled with the tale of how a pub was pleasantly surprised when the reviewer and his entourage piled in - oh what fun it must be to shock the punters every now and again with an impromptu, small venue concert. Big fish, small ponds yadda yadda yadda.

We are informed that waiting staff are akin to soldiers (of war nonetheless) and even that a poor lady "suffered a seizure" (we at WRFW are please however the lady recovered and walked to the ambulance). Surely Jay must get young ladies swooning at his feet on a regular basis (we certainly would) and be quite used to it by now?

From here we are hurried through a few foods as the reviewer must have been reminded he is supposed to talk about the food and the restaurant - a pie, cheese-on-toast, but we're not told what cheese or even what mustard, bubble and squeak, but we're not told what was in it (different places make it in different ways and out of different left-over veg), fried duck eggs but we're not told whether they were fried in lard, butter, olive oil or vegetable oil. HP Sauce - was it in the bottle? We're not even told whether the Lindisfarne oysters are any good. Jay didn't try all the foods so we're left wondering if the kippers are any good and if the salt in the "salted caramel sundae" was "smoked Maldon salt" or "Aldi LO".

One nugget we are treated to is being told that "there are few stews that will not benefit from the early addition of a foot" - just try telling that to the kids when they're all sat around the table demanding their fair share of the family Tuesday evening left-over chicken and rice stew with mash Jay darling.

Finally (pause for effect) Oh come on Jay, you're better than this, "proper" and honest" may be in the "eye of the beholder" but you could at least give use your opinion on them.

Not everyone will think this, however we think this is a lazy review from a reviewer who [Could do better] and if we were to rate this - it wouldn't get much of a rating at all. Pffft Mr Jay, just Pffft.